Want to have the least amount of success in the gym?
Here are 10 ways you can be certain to get nothing out of your investment in health and fitness making no progress at all.
A little tongue-in-cheek today, let’s go!
1. Be as inconsistent as possible. Make excuses why you can’t get into your gym and let the little things get in the way of your long term goals. Besides, your bed is warm in the morning, it’s darker outside now, and you’re tired at the end of the day.
If you want to make progress, consistency matters, especially on the days you’re not motivated to exercise. It’s guaranteed you will feel better after.
2. Don’t ever push yourself out of your comfort zone. Stay soft.
Training with intent means getting out of your comfort zone. If you recognize a lift is feeling easier or smoother, add weight on the next set. Ask your coach if they believe you’re ready to go up.
3. Get all of your fitness information from Instagram, YouTube and TikToc. Because they have shredded bodies mean they know what they’re doing!
Some of the best coaches might not look the part, might not be muscle-bound, yet are very strong, knowledgeable and experienced having coached real people in person and have a burning desire to see their athletes reach their goals.
4. Eat like an asshole, that’s why you go to the gym – to work it off. Get take out or eat at a restaurant more than 50% of the week and drink alcohol frequently. Don’t worry, you’ll sweat it out tomorrow.
If your goal is performance, to move better or fat-loss, prepare your own food and minimize alcohol consumption. The 80/20 rule works – 80% of the time you’ve planned and prepared your food and 20% of the time you’re more relaxed.
5. No pain no gain, injuries sminjuries. If you’re going to physical therapy don’t do any of the exercises or drills they prescribed for you.
You’re likely hurt for a reason. Back off and play the long game. Do what they gave you at PT at the recommended frequency.
6. Don’t sleep and pull all-nighters like you did in college. Use your kids as an excuse to not sleep and definitely don’t take naps when you’re alone or have 15-30 minutes of down time. While you’re at it, bring your phone in bed and scroll until you fall asleep.
Everyone wants to know what the #1 supplement is. Sleep. Don’t skimp on it and get as much quality sleep as you can every night, 6-8 hours for most. Taking naps does not mean you’re lazy, it means you need time to recover and want to be your best for what’s coming up next. Also, nothing good is on your phone when it’s bed time. Read a book.
7. Half ass everything you do, put in little effort or intent. In fact, don’t even try, just go in to talk to people so they get less done too. Don’t do split squats because they’re hard. In fact, any exercise that you don’t like, never do that again. No one will question why you go to the gym but can’t keep up on a hike or a bar crawl. Skip all “core” work too.
Split Squats aren’t fun, but they will make you stronger, faster and more resilient. Often the exercises we’re avoiding are the ones we need the most. Explore different movements and planes of motion. It’s fun to be social in the gym, but remember the other people have goals and want to get work done too.
8. Anything feels tight or sore, stretch and smash it as much as you. Use a massage gun for all of your ailments. You have a hammer in your hand and everything on your body is a nail.
Massage guns and foam rollers don’t fix everything. Sometimes they’re the last tool you need to feel better. Examine your nutrition, hydration, training program, general stress and check in with your PCP or medical professional to explore other options to feel better.
9. If you train in the afternoon or evening, drink energy drinks to power through your session and reinforce your goal of not sleeping. Your heart rate will be soaring which makes training feel exciting!
If extreme caffeine and energy drinks are your answer to perform, it’s time to evaluate your overall nutrition and recovery protocol. Unless you work odd shifts, a good rule of thumb is to stop caffeine intake by 11am-12pm.
10. Let your ego pick your weight and intensity. Big ego = big weights = big results.
If you can’t get over your friends, gym buddies, or anyone lifting more than you because of your ego, you’re not going to make progress, your technique and performance are going to suffer and the likelihood of tweaks and twinges are greater. Back off when you need to and don’t worry about what anyone else is doing. In any decent gym, no one is watching because they’re too focused on their own skill and performance. When is the last time you had a debate who lifted more?